A movie in the same frame of reference as Grease, but with a subtle twist. Is this the nostalgic 80s film we've been looking forward to all our lives? Nope.
The original Valley Girl came out about two years before I was born. The same could be said for Rachel Lee Goldenberg, director of the new remake of the film on Amazon Prime. But it's here that similarities between myself and Miss Goldenberg end. I watched the original Valley Girl and saw in it an innocent exploration of a theme that fascinated movies of the time. You get a sense of nostalgia, remembering when this was what the world looked like. The remake doesn't manage to capture the same feeling, unfortunately. It feels like it wants to be an 80s film because 80s nostalgia is big now. Not because it really has anything innovative or new to add to the story. To top it all off, the music (which should be the selling point for a musical) is lackluster and feels weak.
The plot centers on two kids from opposite sides of town. One is an "uptown girl," and the other is a "bad seed," so typical fare for your run-of-the-mill musicals. It ends as you'd expect with the guy getting the girl. It feels like the director watched Grease, along with a handful of other 80's movies, and then decided they'd try to mash it all together and see what comes out. What results is almost, but not quite, completely unpalatable. The original had music that wasn't popular just yet but was just short of bursting onto the mainstream scene. There were catchy hooks, fun lyrics, and a young Nicholas Cage who hadn't made mistakes like The Wicker Man yet. This remake shoots for the sky and misses completely.
I'm pretty sure the actual script for this movie wasn't more than a few sheets of paper held together with a paperclip. It copies a lot from the original film with little surprises. It's trope-ridden, which isn't a bad thing in some cases. In this situation, however, it's one of the worst things you could have. There's no surprise, no shock, and watching it felt more like a chore than an enjoyment. Musicals can have great plots behind them. Look at The Rocky Horror Picture Show, or Rent, both of which command a massive cult following decades after their release because of their scripts. Sad to say that Valley Girl doesn't even fall into the same category in this department.
On the bright side, the cast does fit the bill for all intents and purposes. Jessica Rothe plays a highly believable Valley Girl, cast in the leading role of Julie Richman (not even subtle with the naming, are we?). Josh Whitehouse is our "bad boy" co-star and plays Randy naturally. He's no Grease-era John Travolta, but he'll do. Logan Paul debuts on the screen as Julie's boyfriend, Mickey. He's the kind of beefcake you'd expect to fill the role, together with frat-boy antics we'd come to expect from the stereotypical 80s. Unfortunately for Paul, this particular role is just supporting cast, and there isn't much to support, as the script has as much substance as an A-cup bra. The supporting actors and actresses are decent, and there's not much to complain about here. Aside from the fact that the characters don't have any depth at all.
Valley Girl has a blueprint that it follows satisfactorily. There are no deviations from the plan, and the plot feels like being on a train. You know where you're starting and where you're ending. And you're slightly impressed by the scenery on the way there. However, there aren't any surprises, and the pacing works because it's been done thousands of times before.
Where do I start? The film could have done so much here. The original Valley Girl was made in 1983 for an 80s audience. Remaking it in 2020 for an 80s audience is not just an abysmally bad idea. It misplaces all the nuances that the original has. In a cheap play for nostalgia, it sells out. Nostalgic movies and series can be incredible. Just look at how much of a following that Stranger Things has. That's how you do 80s nostalgia right. Valley Girl might be more fun if you look at it as satire as opposed to an actual film, with its synth-wave soundtrack and recycled hits of yesteryear. If I were someone who grew up watching the original Valley Girl, this rendition would leave me feeling insulted.
I can't stop you from watching this film, but I can prepare you for what you'll encounter. Don't go into Valley Girl expecting a fantastic throwback with the songs you know and love. It isn't a Time-Life Songs of the 80s Album. What it is isn't exactly clear. It feels like a mishmash of different scripts and styles all thrown together. The emotional connection of the characters is told in song, but all the songs are cliché and come out far later than their 80s timeline should suggest. While the genre of the film describes it as a musical, the truth is that it's a toss-up between a tragedy and satire. It's up to you to decide which category it falls into more.
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