AncilChapter 3: The Note
Life is nothing but a series of unforeseen events. Those unforeseen events can be good or bad but the incontrovertible fact is that they are always unforeseen. Unless you’re a time traveler or some kind of real-deal psychic, the future will always be unforeseen and sometimes you just can’t be prepared for it. How was I supposed to be prepared for getting kicked in the guts by three angry men? If I had known, I would have gotten armor-plating but my lack of clairvoyance disallowed me from foreseeing my fate. I was simply fishing in the dark when I plucked Kate from her father’s anger. I acted out of blindness not really knowing what would have happened next. I just acted without thinking. That’s sometimes how love works; without thought. But was I in love? I wasn’t sure. I barely even knew her and the little that I knew of her was just downright depressing. Her life was a tragedy and I felt like I was another one of her tragedies just waiting to happen. To add insult to injury, the look that her father gave me on his way to the police car was nothing but bad news.
“Kate!!” I shouted. There was no response.
I forced myself off the chair and went upstairs to look for Kate, limping a bit. I shouted her name over and over awaiting a response from her but there was none. I began to worry when I heard the sound of running water as I neared the bathroom. Was she still showering?
“Kate?” I knocked on the door. “Are you in there?”
She didn’t respond so I slowly let myself in, the sound of running water now louder.
“Kate?” I inquired again, getting closer to the shower curtain which I then pulled aside after not getting a response.
Kate was sitting on the floor completely naked with her hands wrapped around her folded legs. The water poured down onto her, dripping down every part of her body, revealing some more scars from her father’s physical abuse as I observed her meticulously. Her eyes were wide open and red. She had been crying. She was shaking and looked like she was in a state of shock. I did think it odd how she had managed to handle everything that happened today so well. My suspicions were right. She had bottled everything up, pretending to be strong in front of me. I once again felt like it was entirely my fault. I had caused her father to get arrested and I had caused her to bring up her mother’s suicide; an incident which I’m sure she was trying to forget.
“Kate. You okay?”
“No,” she said. “I’m not okay.” Her voice sounded weak and somber and she didn’t seem very bothered by the fact that I had pulled the shower curtain while she was completely naked.
I got into the shower and knelt on one knee beside her as though I was going to propose. Every part of my body was in pain but I managed to rest my hand on her shoulder as a form of comfort.
“Look at me,” I said. She turned to me, her eyes red. “I completely understand why you’re crying and I think that it’s completely normal, especially after all that has happened in your life. I would have cried too in your situation but the mourning can’t last forever. You can’t let it last forever. You have to channel your emotions into your work. We’re writers. It’s what we do. We let our experiences affect our work. We-“
She placed her hand over my lips gesturing me to shut up. “Just hold me.” Without any hesitation, I granted her request and held her under the shower. I wrapped my arms around her soaked body as she wrapped her hands around mine. It didn’t seem to bother her one bit that her breasts were pressed against my chest and it didn’t bother me. They felt soft and warm on my body and it made me want to hug her forever. I knew that we would have to let go at some point but Kate’s grasp around me seemed unrelenting. All she wanted to do was hug. That’s all. She just wanted me to hold her. I could tell that she was crying by the soft whimpers and as her tears intensified, I tightened my arms around her.
“It won’t be right,” she eventually said after about twenty minutes of silent hugging. We weren’t hugging anymore though. We were staring at each other and her arms were over my neck.
“What won’t be right?” I asked.
“Having sex right now,” she started. “It won’t be right.”
“I wasn’t even thinking about sex,” I lied. I must admit that sex had passed through my mind probably once, or twice, or three times during our twenty minutes of embrace. But the long-term benefit of comforting someone in their time of need was much more gratifying than the short-term satisfaction of having sex with someone that I barely knew. Well, at least I fooled myself into thinking it was.
“You’re such a liar,” she said. Her voice broke a little but not as much as before. I guessed the hugging did the trick.
“Yeah you got me,” I smiled. “There’s no fooling you.” She laughed a little.
“I guess my job here is done,” I said. “I think I’m going to head home. My mom’s going to be pretty worried if I don’t show up tonight. I’ll check on you tomorrow, okay.” I slowly got up.
“You can’t leave,” Kate said with her eyes following mine as I got up. “You don’t get to leave. I need you here. You can’t just come into someone’s life, destroy it, and just — leave.”
“I’ll be back tomorrow,” I protested. “I promise.”
“Okay,” Kate said after a long pause. “But before you go, I need to show you something.”
